confessions of an uncertain wife

I have so much to learn about being married. If I'm this neurotic with my husband, what will I be like with (gasp) children?

Zach has been sick with a nasty cold for a week. The first couple of days, I was my usual "I love you, I hope you feel better but dammit QUIT WHINING" self. I felt bad for not being more sympathetic, yet at the same time I seriously contemplated pushing him out a window. Okay, not seriously contemplated. Technically. I didn't know how to open the windows at his parents' house anyway.

After a couple of days, things got strange. He had trouble sleeping a couple of nights because he was congested. I would wake up to hear him coughing in the bathroom, and by the time he came back to bed I was curled in a little ball, trembling. I was terrified - of what I don't know. It scared him, and I couldn't explain it.

I spent a few days walking around with a knot of anxiety in my stomach, laden with guilt because damn me, I hadn't come up with a cure for the common cold yet. Looking at this man I love, glassy-eyed and pale, and knowing I could do nothing was almost more than I could handle. I wanted to lie in bed and wrap myself around him until the sickness had passed from his body into mine.

The frustration of not being able to fix it has been terrible. I feel constantly guilty and weepy, and the anxiety has gotten to the point where I've been digging my nails into my arms. Time for a meds adjustment, Emma? Maybe.

And it's just a damn cold! Wait till he gets the flu. I'll be checking into a mental hospital. Either that or zonked out on Valium. If I had some. Sigh.

Zach feels much better, but he's still congested and coughing. I think I'm coming down with it too, although I don't really feel too bad. He just about had a duck when he found out that I've been forcing him to rest all weekend while I cook, clean, etc., and had conveniently forgotten to mention that I'm the one running a fever. I'm a bratty sick person. I just pretend I'm not sick, then look perplexed when I fall over in a heap. I guarantee, he'll be ready to throw ME out a window in a day or two.

Turnabout is fair play. :-)

~Emma~

What I'm reading: Crystal Singer

What I'm hearing: Tori covering "Landslide" (The Dixie Chicks must cease and desist their butchering of that song immediately!!)

What I'm wishing: That my body would either go ahead and get sick or shut up. And that Zach would be all better.

--->Comment allez-vous?<---

earlier later

break this - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005

long time no post - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005

give me a little credit - Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004

blink-free - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

end of days - Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004

Clix me! (Pretty please?)