ennui

Today has passed like a stagnant creek: It hasn't. Some days the minutes seem to crawl past, and I wish I had motivation or energy to do anything other than sit and watch them. Somehow I don't want it to end. I keep thinking that I'll find the desire to do something, just in time to have to go back to work and then I'll wish for my weekend back. But I'm a short trip from staring blankly at the wall. So maybe it's just as well.

I'm not depressed, really. Melancholy. A little too content. I don't know what to do without stress. Everything is so bland and comfortable. I'm not complaining; I'm just not real sure what to do with myself.

I know, I'm a spoiled brat. Trust me, I don't like myself for it. I sort of wish I could just quit and distribute my organs to people who will do something wonderful with their lives. Or horrible - just do anything.

I remember feeling like this when I first got to college. It worsened into true depression after awhile, but at first it was just this restless nothing, this looking to find something beyond a candy-coated existance. It was this feeling that had me clinging to Mark with both hands. Perhaps that's why I hate it.

Or perhaps I'm just being a whiny baby and I should pull my head out of my butt and go play Scrabble with my incredibly wonderful husband.

Probably the latter.

~Em~

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earlier later

break this - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005

long time no post - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005

give me a little credit - Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004

blink-free - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

end of days - Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004

Clix me! (Pretty please?)