Wednesday, May. 14, 2003
I really wish kazaa would stop popping up "Nipple Loving Lesbos" every time I search for something. I'm searching for a Fisher song, guys. No nipple loving here.
I have the song on CD in my car, but I'm too lazy to go out and get it, so I think I'll just growl at Kazaa instead.
This is going to sound really horrid, but I don't give a flying rat's butt: I wish I was skinny again. I know it wasn't healthy, I know I was hurting myself, I know I look better with boobs and that being a collection of bones is not terribly attractive. I know I know I know.
Right now, I don't care. I want to feel my gangly limbs banging together. I want my ass to hurt from sitting on a chair. I want to see my rib cage.
I spent three years twenty-five pounds underweight, and now that I'm at a normal weight again it's messing with my head.
The weird thing is, I didn't gain most of the weight back by "recovering." I gained it by starting birth control. It never fails - I start hormones, I grow boobs and gain weight. Always. Every time.
I am recovered now, and have maintained a steady, healthy weight for a good eight or nine months. 99% of the time, it's fine and I am immeasurably grateful not to be stuck in that hell anymore.
Tonight's just one of those that falls into the other 1% of the time.
Yeah. I guess it never really goes completely, totally away. So the old Emma is making a cameo in my head tonight. She needs to fuck off.
Go listen to Fisher's cover of "Dream On." It's beautiful.
Sing with me, just for today, maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away...
~Emma~
Reading: Mostly Harmless
Hearing: Fisher, of course
Wishing: See above entry.
--->Comment allez-vous?<---
break this - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005
long time no post - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005
give me a little credit - Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004
blink-free - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004
end of days - Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004
