downer

I finished the new Harry Potter book yesterday. My initial reaction was this:

Ack. sniff More.

I won't say any more here, because I don't want to give away any spoilers. But...is there anyone who's finished with it who'd like to chat? If so, drop me an email. I'm going bonkers over here.

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Depression hit hard last week, and it's not showing any signs of leaving. I'd be really, really pissed off if it didn't take so much effort. As it is, I'm mildly annoyed. I keep finding myself staring at the wall, apparently waiting for it to reveal the secrets of the universe or something, I don't know. I actually think about ramming my car into a bridge support, or jumping off a cliff, with the same level of concern I would normally give to choosing a pair of socks. Not that I would actually do it, but I can't get my brain to understand that it would be a big deal if I did. It would matter about as much as my socks.

Nothing reaches me when I get like this. You could amputate my arm and I would just look at you. Reading Harry Potter this weekend was weird - it was a terribly emotional book, and as I read it I knew what I was supposed to be feeling. I just didn't feel any of it. I normally jump into a good book like it's a warm swimming pool, so not connecting with it (or anything else for that matter) was weird. I am forcing myself to feel. I feel nothing other than tears that keep pricking my eyes for no reason at all, and a heavy sadness over nothing in my chest. I am utterly empty.

I would like to go back to bed now. I'm sorry.

~Emma~

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earlier later

break this - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005

long time no post - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005

give me a little credit - Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004

blink-free - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

end of days - Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004

Clix me! (Pretty please?)