hackers

Argh. Half of my office is sick and it's driving me a bit nuts. I swear R and J sound like they are hacking up their toenails. It makes me want to crawl under the desk and hide.

I know that sounds like a weird reaction to someone's cold, but I never claimed to be normal. ;-) To me a chest cough sounds like fingernails on a blackboard. The hair on my neck stands up and I cringe. I also get really, really anxious, like I'm about to crawl out of my skin. We're talking xanax-level anxious here. And I have no idea why.

I have two theories, though. First is that both my sister and dad have had coughs that were so bad that they would cough until they threw up. I don't handle barfing well, although when the time comes I can help where I need to. So I don't think that's it.

My other theory makes a little more sense. When my mom was in her last month of pregnancy with my sister, she came down with severe pneumonia. She was in the middle of it when she went into labor. I was only six, and I remember waking up while my father was carrying me over to the neighbors' house. He said he had to take Mommy to the hospital, and I think he said she was going to have the baby, but I'm not sure. It scared me to death - I spent the entire night in the neighbor's bathroom sobbing. I was sure my mom was going to die.

Pneumonia...lots of coughing...very scared kid...it makes sense. Or maybe I am just really weird. Probably that. ;-) That's what happens when you let a psychologist-to-be start trying to figure things out.

It's Thursday, which means it's almost Friday, which is a very good thing. I want to go see The Runaway Jury this weekend. I also want to get my mic working on my computer so I can start trying some recording. It's hard to find time to do it, as I'm too embarassed to really sing when Zach is home. I can be LOUD. When I was in college, I occasionally came out of my dorm room to find notes on my message board saying things like "You sound good!" I was mortified, but at least they didn't say I sucked. ;-) I sometimes sang really softly in the shower; at least, I thought it was really softly until my roommate told me she could hear me down the hall. So yeah, I'm loud. When I'm trying to get a song right, I may need to sing it really, really badly for a bit. Hard to do with someone in the next room, even if it is my hubby. Maybe *especially* if it's him. I already know why.

Maybe I can convince him to go see Michael without me this weekend, and I'll have the house to myself for awhile. As much as I love being married, there are times I miss being physically alone. I need my alone time, and if I don't get it physically, I get it by "going away." I isolate inside my head, and it's not a good thing. I do this at work fairly often - there are times people are talking to me and have to call my name two or three times before I hear them. I'm not usually deep in thought; I'm just Not There.

I don't know where I go, but wherever it is, they'd better have chocolate.

~Emma~

Reading: Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression

Hearing: Tourniquet - Evanescence

Wishing: For some alone time.

--->Comment allez-vous?<---

earlier later

break this - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005

long time no post - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005

give me a little credit - Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004

blink-free - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

end of days - Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004

Clix me! (Pretty please?)