drug/therapy

Finally called my pdoc this morning. This freak attack has gone on long enough. The whole "Z gets a cold, Emma turns into a freaked out ball of self-destruction" just ain't gonna fly. He called me in a script for Ativan. Hopefully it'll help and not turn me into a zombie. Although, a zombie would be an improvement.

The final straw was when I found myself sneaking a knife into the bathroom last night. Uh-uh. I have gone too long without cutting to screw it up just because I'm too proud to admit I can't handle something. Yes, Emma, you're a big girl; yes, you can do it All By Yourself; now shut up and get some damn help already.

I really hope this helps. This particular cold is persistant - I've had it for a week and a half. I can't take another week of fighting those urges. I don't think I could do it.

I have to wonder, though, exactly how I tell Z about it? He knows I get "a little anxious" when he gets sick, but that's about it. What do you say - "Oh honey, I'm panicking because you have a cold, that's why I'm hiding in the closet behind the clothes. Don't worry about it." How is that going to make him feel? It is NOT his fault at ALL, but he has a Catholic guilt gland, and even if I insist over and over that it's all me, he'll still feel bad. I need to tell him, though. I don't keep med stuff from him. It just creates problems later on.

Ugh. I hate my stupid brain.

~Em

Reading: "Circuit of Heaven" (cool sci-fi stuff)

Hearing: My Launchcast station

Wishing: Three guesses...

--->Comment allez-vous?<---

earlier later

break this - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2005

long time no post - Monday, Feb. 28, 2005

give me a little credit - Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004

blink-free - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

end of days - Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004

Clix me! (Pretty please?)